Vision

-> I see the beauty of creation
-> I see the power of destruction
-> I see corrugations on hard rock
-> I see uniformity in the sky
-> I see the shadows of rocks caused by the setting sun
-> I see shrubs with foundations laid on solid rock
-> I see shapes and colours
-> I see stillness in vast areas
-> I see giant arches formed by erosion
-> I see snow covered mountains
-> I see colour of the sky change it's hues during sunset
-> I see the little squirrel prancing on the rocks
-> I see striations of green amidst brown
-> I see rocks rocks and rocks
-> I see that once a mighty river had it's surface thousands of feet above where I am sitting
-> I see the little hummingbird and it's flight of fantasy
-> I see rows of tiny ants marching in a straight line

I see....
I see....
I see I am nothing.

Rambling -The Way It Is..As Is

"The Week That Was"

Remember this TV programme? As a kid, if you needed information about current events occurring across the country and globe, this was the programme every teacher and parent would swear by. A no non-sense programme conveyed brilliantly by Mr.Prannoy Roy.

That was then..the simpler times. Today, well, that's an entirely a different story. Journalism as we know it is more focussed on dirt, scandals and partisan views. Today, what underwear Katrina Kaif favours or what how many milligrams of mass Shilpa Shetty has developed on her belly is of more concern than Maoist insurgency or the Financial Budget. News agencies have forgotten to focus on state of affairs of national importance as fulcrum and treat these as and when they arise and forget all about it. One thing that stays on is bloody entertainment news, if one dares to call it that! Unfortunately, as a reader I am to blame as well. If titillating images are displayed to me right next to matters of home security, your guess is as good as mine as to where the little mouse pointer would go. As a two-way street, efforts from both ends needs to come. If given an option of pure, unadulterated news, I will very gladly soak it up.

This post will be mostly a medley of coherent and tangential thoughts. Bear with me...

Social Networking:
That's what everyone is apparently doing these days. Ever since the advent of Facebook, people are wanting to put themselves out there....literally!

Oh my God, I just farted...Status update
Oh my God, I just took a shit....Status update
Oh my God, I have a fucking bad head-ache...Need some coffee..like now!!...Status update

This is what we have come to being. Vanity is an inherent quality man possesses but keeps under check (well, most at least)! Now we have a medium to expose it. What is worse is hundred -million people replying to all status messages. Lots of constructive time and bandwidth into super productive use, really.

Tweet...Tweet...No no no..it's not Tweety, that cute little bird that kept us glued to TV sets. Twitter is here. I think everyone from Obama to Tharoor...from sexygirl765 to cooldude99..from the guy next to me to Batman, "tweets" (yes, another one to the Lexicon).Apparently, micro-news is macro-news today. Assimilation of text more than 140 characters is too much for the brain today. Looks like micro rather than macro brain is here to stay!

An interesting afterthought to this is the desire of man to submerge/indulge in what someone else is "up-to". Good point for discussion, that!

IPL:
Picture a scene where thirteen men dressed in whites occupy a ground playing cricket. Well, of course you can't! I'm a fool to paint this illusion. Today, what you see is thirteen men in snazzy outfits trying to play a power game. Of course, please let your mind wander to some girls clad in clothes that'll rip your fly apart.

The gentleman's game is dying. I am actually part of this revolution and it's not a good feeling. I probably will be part of the last generation of people talking about deft flicks, unimaginable late cuts, the art of loop and flight. More importantly, I will be one of the last people to watch Sachin Tendulkar or Rahul Dravid play test match cricket. Men, whose on-field revelry has scripted many a life!

Even with the cloud of controversy engulfing IPL, people will stick to it..Not for the game but for the celebrities frequenting matches and late night parties. Players are enticed with moolah never seen before..will the arrogance and cavalier attitudes be far behind? With players being fought over, used and abused like condoms, honour, pride, hard work, spirit of the game will be left far behind. Men of honour will be just merely photos on the wall and with them will die my memories and comfort zone.....

Legends of the past and present are crying out to save the unadulterated form but all I can hear is the "TWEET" of Mr.Franchisee and Mr. Politician....

Spirituality:
Ah, the tangent topic! I have been thinking about this for a bit and came up with this...

- A woman who travels 80 KM a day to wash dishes
- An old man who can't hear well chauffeuring and getting people home safe
- A man whose presence makes you feel secure
- A man who drives a van to feed the poor and homeless relinquishing a fat paycheck
- A social worker working with old neglected people, orphans and abandoned children
- A man who unites an entire nation each time he steps on the cricket ground
- The same man who takes the effort to meet with and seek the blessings of an elderly lady
- A man who raised an unimaginable amount of money purely on trust when up against the wall
- A mother who bestows altruistic love on her kid

This to me is spirituality and I have made my peace with that.

Water:
The most precious reserve. Dwindling away fast....Man's materialistic desires into foray once again in depleting water. I shall reserve my thoughts on this and instead request you to read the April 2010 issue of the National Geographic magazine.


I have rambled on for a bit here. A feeling of self-righteousness has engulfed every Indian away from his motherland. I am no exception. I liked being part of the system within the failure rather than wander away to point fingers at it, good or bad. I liked being in a comfort zone no matter how ruthless it appeared to be. I liked being part of a system where order and method was not a daily dose. I liked not to be faced with an identity crisis everyday.

Maybe, if I still were in India.....

One For The Ladies

There were thatched huts and cottages. Children were playing and having outdoor activities under the cool shade of trees and makeshift shelters. Some were painting, some were being read to, some writing...

I was standing here, amidst this controlled chaos. Tiny tots running around in their bright coloured clothes. The little girls were looking so pretty in frocks and the boys in their t-shirts and shorts. Some were playing tag and having a lot of fun. There was a vendor distributing cotton candy and the little kids screamed each time they would get a stick in their tiny hands. Somehow they were amused by the colour code shared between their dresses and the candy. Watchful eyes of the teachers were scanning for any misbehaviour. Parents were discussing how naughty each kid was at home. There was a sense of satisfaction when little anecdotes were exchanged.

I could see the beautiful valley behind this setting. Tea plantations laced across the crests and troughs. Lush green earth was draped by a grey cloudy sky. It was the perfect weather, very English. Every now and then a drop of condensation would land gently on the shoulder. The kids would jump with joy each time this happened. The weather gods were playing a game with them.

My gaze shifted back to the valley. This was a perfect time for a cup of tea, I thought. Wordly desires were no more the focus of the mind. This is what bliss must feel like. As I was dwelling more into the attributes of this new found serenity, a voice broke the silence. "Saab, Chai?" I turned quickly, a sense of reaction one would display if startled. I saw a man, dressed impeccably, reminding me of Jeeves the Butler. White uniform that had been ironed to perfection. He was holding a tray that reflected the whole sky up above. On it, cups and saucers with thin gold lines flowing across the rims were lined up neatly . They were adorned with floral designs. "Saab, Chai"? He asked once again politely. "The ones in the fist two rows are Cardamom and the third row is Ginger". "What would you like"? "Ginger please", I said. Somehow, the idea of sipping hot ginger tea made me intertwine with the weather. The tea was truly heavenly. It was as if the taste buds were consumating with the aroma!

I started slowly shifting my gaze back to the activities. My eyes became transfixed on this little girl sitting on a ledge by the rose bush. She was wearing a pink frock, her hair bottle necked into a ponytail. A little headband with butterfly images kept the hair in check. A few strands had purposely escaped the clutches of the band and enveloped a small part of the forehead. She was wearing high socks and a perfectly clean pair of buckled shoes. I had not seen her earlier. She jerked her head one way. Probably checking if her mother was still around. As she turned back, her eyes focused vision on me. She began studying me in much the same manner in which I was observing her. She was not interested in the games other girls were playing. She was not interested in the cotton candy. She sat still and seemed to have taken a sudden interest in me. Her tiny, mischievous eyes began studying me intently. Her gaze shifted slightly to her left. Maybe she was looking at the steam coming out of the tea cup I was holding. I followed her gaze and found that it was indeed the case. We looked back up at each other at the very same moment and our eyes locked with each other.

I was overcome by a mixture of flattery and uneasiness. Here was this very pretty girl looking at me from head to toe. But she was studying my every move. Time stood still. Seconds went on by in hours, it seemed. Then the harmony was broken. She jumped quickly off the ledge and landed firmly on the solid ground. Took a quick look around to see if she could still spot her mother and began her walk toward me. She took small but sure step almost hopping each time. I was transfixed on this little girl. My tea had become cold, there was no steam coming off it now. I did not care. I watched her all the way. She came and stood right in front of me. She was even prettier up close. Her rosy lips broadened and gave the most beautiful smile that I had seen. Time became an entity that stopped.

"Hello", she said. I was searching and fumbling for words. Awkwardly, I responded and managed a smile. She lifted up her hands gently and comfortingly indicating me to lift her up. All the time, her smile kept increasing in small measures. I placed the cup and saucer on the ground and obliged. She looked at me. Her smile changed to a gentle laughter. She was enjoying my discomfort thoroughly. Her face was very close to mine. We could measure the distance between our eyes by our fingers. A wonderful fragrance of moisturizing cream emanated from her face. "You are very pretty", I said. She let out a giggle acknowledging my compliment. "You look so satisfied and contented" she remarked. I was taken aback. Why did she make that comment? "But your eyes reveal more". I was intrigued. "Really, what do they reveal"? She took time to respond as if purposely piquing my curiosity. "They conceal a lot of anguish, a lot of pain"."Haha"! I smirked as if to rebuff her comment. She looked at me without batting an eyelid. "Try merging what you observe in your surroundings with negative memories in the mind and you will be at total peace with yourself". She moved back indicating me to put her down.

Before time and noise took over my senses, I saw her running playfully back to her mother. I looked down at the cup and saucer I had placed on the ground earlier. I don't know why. A few seconds later, my eyes frantically searched for her in the crowd. I wanted to hold her up and talk to her again. My mind was frantically searching for questions I would ask. Perhaps I would not stumble this time. Why did she make those comments? Why did she choose to come to me? What was she trying to convey?

But..I would never see her again.

The Mask Behind the Face

I have been afraid and my worst fears came true
I have been living in the shadow of my alter ego
I don't have an identity of my own
I spend most of my life in calculated disgust and anguish while I make people laugh
I use wit and humour as a defense mechanism
I play the joker role to the point of no return
I let people walk over me
I am afraid to speak my mind
I always have contradictory thoughts
I am always confused
I am not creative. I cannot think out of the box. I have no imagination
I have been suppressed by myself
I am complicated
I am not forthright
I do not have complete mastery over anything. I have not been truly good at anything in my life
I have always lived in the shadow of others
I think whoever I am, whatever I am is just luck
I do not persevere enough
I think being romantic is corny. I have been bowled head over heels by only one person. I will never experience that feeling ever again in my life
I am not opinionated. I do not have clarity in my thoughts
I am not a good orator
I am not satisfied with what I have
I don't have a clue of what I am doing with my life
I don't think I can make an impact in someone's life
I will not make a good husband
I do not take well to criticism. I only get more confused by it
I cannot differentiate between hard work and smart work
I am too lazy to learn. I shirk and take the easy way out
I do not know how to handle serious responsibility
I cannot differentiate between idealism and practicality
I do not think anyone will give a shit if I suddenly die
I am easily influenced by others
I cannot concentrate on one thing ever for a short while
I cannot be one with myself
I introspect much but never act on it
I will not be able to choose a partner for myself
I will not be a good role model for my kids
I will not be able to earn true respect from my wife, family or friends

I live therefore I am
I breathe therefore I am
I exist therefore I am

I am the Mask behind the Face

Life of Things

I have been reminiscing a bit over the past couple of days...and in the process came across an idea for this blog entry.

I let my mind trace back to my childhood to identify some material things that were best classified mundane, but surprisingly seem so vividly etched somewhere in the memory. So I present a few to you:

1) Calcium Sandoz tablets in dog-like can
2) Phantom cigarette-like candy sticks -my only tryst with the puff unfortunately :(
3) Luxor sketch pens and Camlin pencil with the pink flowers
4) Reynolds ball point pen
5) Camel Ink bottle and Hero pens with the gold cover
6) Cherry blossom white canvas shoe polish
7) School uniform -a white shirt/white pant/black belt and shoes..We should have been beaten to death for even wearing this!
8) Bold and the Beautiful and Baywatch..Thank God for Star Plus!
9) BSA Bicycle
10) Malgudi days/He-Man and the Masters of the Universe/Superhit Muquabala
11) Crown CRT TV with switches to change channels
12) Finger chips/fries with Maggie hot and sweet tomato sauce
13) Assembly before commencement of a school day
14) Kangaroo exam pad with the clip to hold the paper and wooden ruler used to demarcate the margin from the main page- Often this was the trusty ally of a teacher to do some knuckle crunching!
15) The first pair of Bata/Corona black shoes with laces -I know everyone used to wear that proudly with anything and everything and loved the noise it used to make while walking
16) Big Fun bubble gum with the cricket statistics/collectibles
17) Gold Spot -The Zing thing!
18) Cutting chai glass -The smallest thing with a "satisfaction guaranteed" tag
19) Godrej shaving bar+brush
20) Pan Pasand/Mangobite/Coffeebite/Cadburys Gems/Nutties
21) VIP Underwear
22) Amul butter
23) Doordarshan Spirit of Unity short programmes
24) Balcony/Dress Circle seating arrangements in movie theaters
25) The Times of India, India Today and Sportstar
26) Usha Sewing Machine
27) Crocin and Anacin tablets
28) Lakshmi bomb cracker -There never was a Diwali without it!
29) Indian Railways food -shitty but I absolutely adored it!
30) Eveready batteries

These were some of the items/commodities that popped up in my mind. I re-lived my entire life as I thought of these. All of you have, at some point been associated with one/many or all of these. I am also certain that readers will come up with much more.

As an aside, this article lays emphasis on the importance we give to material items. Ironic because we do not give spirituality it's due!

Wham...Bam....SLAM!

Allllright!!

This post will be a an act of sorts between 3 people. Jackass Judge, Pub(l)ic Prostitutor (Pube) and Duffer Defendant. A not so typical courtroom drama..

JJ: Order in the courtroom...ORDER in the courtroom...
PP: But Mi Lord...there is no one here but you, me and Duffer
JJ: I know Pube...I like to just bang this hammer thingy on the table.....

PP: Ahem..ahem....let's proceed on with the case then....Mishter Duffer Defendant, do you plead guilty to the charges?
DD: ?????
JJ: Oh for Satan's sake, let Duffer know what he is guilty of!
PP: Sorry Mi Lord...I have'nt been in the courtroom for a while...
DD (to himself): Looks like I can wriggle my balls out of this...whatever "this" might be!

PP: Alright Duffer, the charges against your name are being virgin, being single and a bad forgotten childhood....Babool..oh sorry Kubool hai???
DD: Mi Lord, Mr. Pube is trying to convict me of these false allegations.....I request a rematch...
JJ: OK...but Duffer, you must please keep in mind that this is not a game...It's your past life we're talking about...
DD: Screw that...I want a rematch...

PP: Duffer does not know what he's talking about...Mi Lord, I would like to present the Case for the Defence...
JJ: OK Pubes...Proceed before I need to take a leak again

PP (Clearing his throat): Duffer, I will be asking you a few questions based on which Mi Lord Jackass will decide for or against the charges on your name
DD: Mi Lord, I request the court to proceed...Do I get some time to practice?
JJ: DUFFER!! Please pay attention to the questions! Don't make me strike this hammer thingy

PP: Name?
DD: Defendant...Duffer Defendant

PP: Address?
DD: I'm normally in my own world..
PP: What the Fuck??? Mi Lord..permission to Object
JJ: Screw that...Overruled!
PP: Mi Lord Jackass, with all due respect..what the fuck was that???
JJ: I always wanted to say...OVERRULED! Proceed...but I'll interrupt you from time to time..

PP: Phone Number?
DD: 1&2..But only Nature is allowed to contact at it
PP: You're being smart eh?? Wait for the next few...I'm going to rip you apart..

PP: Date of Birth?
DD: Two hundered and Eighty Eight hours before yours
PP: How do you know that? You do not even know my Birthday...
DD: I did that to confuse the Prostitutor...
PP: Point Taken...The Prostitutor is confused....moving on..

PP: Sunsign?
DD: April fools day....
JJ: Could have been called Duffer's Day..
DD: Thank you Mi Lord...
PP: That was a sarcastic remark....You Duffer!

PP: Your Biggest Assets?
DD: Yet to come
PP: What the fuck?????
JJ: Order....ORDER....Never mind...I did that just for kicks

PP (to himself: I'm stuck like a whore between Jackass and Duffer): You're Sad About?
DD: I will miss you all
PP: You mean...when you will miss all your friends?
DD: ahaan
PP: FUCK!!

PP: Your Most Memorable Moment:
DD: When I came out in this world, the Doctor was so happy!
PP: Looks like the Doctor was a peadophile...Was it someone called Mike???

PP: Your Biggest Strength?
DD: Below the belt and in the mouth
PP: Let's see...that's below the belt.....and..
JJ: Me want to see...me want to see...
PP: Mi Lord...please control yourself....All in good time...
JJ: Order in the courtroom!!

PP: Your Hobbies?
DD: Walking around hills and Reading
PP: Walking around hills????????
JJ: Reading is not actually a hobby...It's more of a knowledge thing....Free thought of the day..

PP: Your Favourite Singer?
DD: Myself..
PP: Oh really??? Are you being funny???? How can you rate yourself as a favourite...That's so full of vain

PP: A girl/boy you like the most and why?
DD: Myself because I am just outstanding and cool
PP: Hmm....Self righteous bastard. Mi Lord please note this point
JJ: Can I borrow your pen?

PP: Ok never mind...You love wearing?
DD: Clothes, Rings and a Girl on my arm...
JJ: What are the rates and the cost involved?
PP: Mi LORD!!!!!!

PP: Your Best Male Teacher?
DD: Please GROW UP and get out of school...
PP: Point taken...Mi Lord.please note this.....Oh never mind..

PP: Your Favourite Movie?
DD: M, HSSH, KKHH, HAHK, ID4...
JJ: Can we have a Morse Code expert here? Looks like Duffer is trying to say something..
PP: No Mi Lord, they used to be popular acronyms for movies...
JJ: Fuck Me!! You have to be kidding

PP: Your Favourite Serial?
DD: Kellogg's Choco...
PP: NO! Not Cereal...Oh never mind!

PP: The Novel You Love?
DD: Jeffery Archer....
PP: Now you have proved that you are retarded....

PP: Your Favourite Animal?
DD: Cat because I resemble it...
JJ: Oh Goody!! Duffer is a Manimal...Quick!! Turn into a frog
PP: Mi Lord, we do not have a princess to bring him back...

PP: Your nickname?
DD: The Excellence of Execution!!
PP: Oh fuck! (To himself:This self gloating bitch is killing me)

PP: Your Ambition?
DD: Getting lots of 3M
JJ: Where are them code breakers?????

PP: Your Dearest Pal?
DD: Yeah Right!! The one and only Pamela Anderson Lee..
JJ/PP: Oh really?? Ours too!

PP: Your Favourite Actress?
DD: All those who do less of acting and more of showing
JJ: We have reached new levels of bonding now....Order in the courtroom!! ORDER in the courtroom

PP: Your Best Female Teacher?
DD: Boooooooze
PP: Very Nice! I have noted that point!

PP: Your Dream Lover?
DD: How do I know who loves my dream?
JJ: By Jove! That was rhetoric. Order ORDER!

PP: Your Favourite Comic?
DD: Playboy/Debonair..well that's comic for me..
JJ: How dare you toy with the emotions of this court???? Objection OVERRULED!!!!
PP: But Mi Lord, I did not object...And it should have been SUSTAINED and not OVERRULED!
JJ: Screw you!! Next question....

PP: Your Favourite Actor?
DD: Sorry! I don't swing that way. I'm strictly HETERO
PP: Fair enough. I'm not so I'll move on...

PP: Love to You Is?
DD: Physical Attraction, Chemical Reaction and Biological Reproduction
PP: WOW! Will you marry me???

PP: The Teacher You Hate Most?
DD: Grow Up!
PP: Ok

PP: Your Most Embarassing Moment?
DD: In school, I'd left my fly open
PP: Very nice...I hope you were covered....
JJ: Were you..were you..were you???
DD: Yes Mi Lord. Please cover yours..

PP: The Person You Hate the Most?
DD: I don't hate..I love everyone...
PP: My my! (To himself: Kill me...kill me NOW!)

PP: Your Latest Crush?
DD: Last night I crushed a bottle of mineral water...
JJ: Oh you did..did you?? I crushed one today

PP: Your Favourite Pastime?
DD: Roaming around and travelling
PP: Now wait a minute....Got you there! Roaming around and travelling are two contradictory things...One is planned, the other is not!! I say, Mi Lord...Objection
JJ: We will now take a short recess
PP/DD: You can't take a recess now!!!!!
JJ: Ok then..I'll dig my nose instead....

PP: What You Feel For Me?
JJ: Pube!!! Don't!!
DD: It's ok...I would like to answer that....You're not as dumb as you look..So start looking smarter!!

PP: I am through with my cross examination, Mi Lord....Please deliver your verdict to the court if Duffer is a Loser
JJ: Has the Jury reached it's verdict???
PP (sighs): Mi Lord Jackass, there is no Jury remember?
JJ: In that case, we will take a recess here.....


So that was it! In case you did not get what the hell I've been talking about, this extract was based on a collection of nonsense written in my SLAM Book. So I hope I have wasted your time. Inconvenience is not regretted.

Claimer: All the content here is reproduced in it's exact form. So go screw yourselves!!

Medley Of An Amalgamation

Well back after a pretty long time. I'm personally very fond of this entry since I cooked this up extempore. Well, most of the ideas were shaping up for a bit but I needed a nice catalyst to eventually put this down. Enter Cafe Myriade in Montreal, Canada. Fantastic place, great ambiance and superb service.

This entry will essentially be a myriad of emotions. Introspection, disgust, satire anger, joy, discovery and the lot. Well, here goes:

1) I have learnt so much from someone who has never taught me anything
2) The most endearing thing ever said to me was not a compliment
3) The only way you can try to concentrate is by looking up at a clear starlight sky
4) I have connected with someone without exchanging a single word
5) Friends are relative to time, location and company
6) The next guy is as perverted as you. You just choose to express yourself!
7) I have observed that each person in a crowd is different in appearance but so similar in behaviour
8) The only thing common in men/women/girls and boys these days is an ipod
9) Lust is always in a woman's asset. Not in hair dyes, shitty alterations and gothic stuff
10) I cannot own the car I love the most. It is not my type
11) Noise can be found in silence and vice versa
12) The most difficult thing is to simply close your eyes and think of NOTHING. You will amazed at how chaotic the mind is
13) I can't recall the name of the restaurant where I have had the best food in years
14) I am so fond of loneliness that I think I'll marry it
15) I find shopping for music is actually relaxing. ONLY music
16) Technology is actually a bad thing. Things worked just as efficient when it was not around
17) The only thing for which I use the pen these days is to sign receipts
18) Buying the correct gift for friends is a painful task
19) Right handed guitarists look much more cooler than left handed ones. Being common has it's own charm!
20) Confidence and skill are instantaneous qualities. The challenge is to repeat the crests cose to each other
21) The closest companions I have are my ipod and my music
22) I actually make a living finding faults in someone else's work
23) I have been afraid my whole life. I'm afraid to change that!
24) EVERYONE is insecure. They show it in different ways. But they definitely are
25) There is always one song I listen to when I'm feeling blue. It is not my favourite
26) I have realized that losing weight is more in the mind than actual physical exercise
27) The greatest pleasure is to take a leak/dump after holding on for long. Sex is not even a close second!
28) No matter how hard you try, there will always be someone who does it better
29) You can actually judge a person by the type of music he/she listens to
30) My greatest regret is not learning to play guitar
31) Sex is hard work. I wonder if a lazy bum will be good in bed
32) I am amazed at the reverence I get when they realize I am Indian. Pity we do not see it among ourselves

Well, that's the long and short of it. It's pretty amazing what a Cafe Mocha and Polish donuts can do!

PS: The most weird thing happened to me today. As I was reading the National Geographic magazine, the phrase I was reading exactly matched the ones on a song. Now, how often does that happen to you?

Just so I don't forget:
Song: I Dug Up A Diamond -Mark Knopfler/Emmylou Harris
Phrase: "Once in a lifetime"

Guess it really is!