The Friendship Conundrum

The general theory that goes with friendship is that it is relative to time. Over-time, I have had the pleasure of engaging with different people on the validity of this idea and have always had key take-away's from almost all of them. This automatically opens up the corollary -how does one measure longevity in friendship?

From personal experience there is no clear answer. But there has emerged a pattern to the means in attempting to find some solid ground. It is (and always has been) my belief that success or eqanimity in achieving similar platform between two friends is directly proportional to the time that is invested in the relationship. Over years, most of us have built upon a strikingly similar model.

Let's start with the school friends. The degree of variance here is the greatest in terms of branching out from school into different facets of life. Over time, it is also the toughest to sustain the longevity, since embracing future walks of life comes with good orthogonality. As a result, common topics of discussions, moral ground, individual maturity and opinions differ by such a large degree that losing touch naturally becomes the easy way out. Add to this the common trait of choosing or abandoning people based on likes, dislikes, physical appearances and the crap in-between. As always, there are exceptions to the rule and some have stood the test of time, literally. A point to contrast is here is the degree of fondness one associates with this period since most of the time is spent on playing and discussing sports.

As one progresses into college life, juxtaposed with adolescence, rebellion, freedom and independence, a common ground slowly emerges. One is surrounded by like-minded individuals whose pursuit falls within the gamut of one's own. As a result, the quality of friendship also reaches a measurable limit with ideas tending to similar objectives. One associates with his similar-minded individuals more and herein lies the key to maintaining longevity. The sample set and variance also tends to reach a limit in terms of varying degrees of interests, subject matter, social issues. So, a tighter group begins to emerge.

From here, when an individual progresses into graduate education, the longevity of the friendship tends to peak to it's highest point. Factor in the duration of the curriculum, time away from family and long study hours- one spends the largest time in the close proximity of friends. This automatically strengthens bonds between like-minded individuals whose immediate goals and objectives are the closest to one another. It should not then come as a surprise when the friends one makes during this time generally stand the test of time to a far greater degree. This, given the fact that distances between two friends generally lands up to be the largest, owing to professional calling, relocation for higher studies and spouses coming into the mixture.

I often subscribe to the view that an individual is assessed by the company he keeps. Today, the associations with some wonderful people has contributed significantly to who I am. It is quite remarkable that an outside being can contribute so significantly to your thought process, engage with you during turbulent times, admonish you over your mistakes, agonize over your sorrows, keeps you grounded after success and more importantly, knows when and how to be there. To this end, I will gladly declare that my cup is half-full. In return, I get to be a part of their growth, maturity, parenthood and evolution. As the year draws to a close, I can fondly look back at the people who made me what I am and the people I can truly call my friends. And, no, you cannot quantify and put a price on that!

To give credit where it's due -this article is an offshoot of one of many stimulating conversations over a memorable trip with a close friend.