Affection

"We have come together a long way", she remarked. He agreed. From childhood to the present, at the cusp of her matrimony, her calling, her desire, all were to materialize soon. We did have a jolly good time, didn't we, he asked. She nodded approvingly indicating that good times were always with good company. She did not believe in partying out, of jars filled with beer, glasses flowing with alcohol, music generating high decibels. Her's was a simple motive. Of giggles and squeaks, of good-natured bantering, of discussing sitcoms and the characters it entailed. Such was the definition of time well spent. It included too, her time spent with family. Just being in the present. Just being there...

"You will be going to a whole new world", he said. There won't be soul-sisters at beck and call. They will be asleep when you are awake. "You will have to deal with new found silence. And that will be a good thing." He had gone though the same rigour too. Suddenly, noise around him was muted. He could hear the bird chirp, the wind hustle. He gave into this wonderful peace. "Some might call it drone", he cautioned. "But, don't mind them. This will be a break. This is your time away from it all. Enjoy the silence. It does not fall into someone's lap this easily." Absence of noise, even in it's presence can be wonderful!

"How did it feel when you gave it all up? To return to simpler times and people. Do you miss it?"

"I do, more than ever. Because, I was able to perceive sound as an entity there. So there was a clear demarcation when it was present and when it was absent. Here it takes more effort. I have to struggle to know when to switch-off. It is a lot harder. But, then again, it feels nice to come back to one of your own. This is where I belong now." She tried to come to terms with it all. All through one's life, man searches for stillness. But no one really knows how to achieve it. Perhaps it's all relative. One need not go to Mansarovar to experience stillness. One can experience it in the darkness of the night, in bed, just before dozing off. Just need to be gracious enough to accept it.

"I don't really know what to expect. This contrasts with the excitement, vigour this new phase in my life would bring." She seemed confused. Her large, round eyes exemplifying the fact. "You are definitely entitled to it! All I am saying is, don't get caught up in the physical world, trying to please everybody. You can have your own approach to it all. Try and switch-off every now and then. You will notice that time appears to be on roller-skates there. Take a walk, breathe in the cold crisp air. Try to slow it down. You will notice yourself relaxing." This is not yoga or meditation, he was quick to add. "Sometimes, to handle responsibilities, you need to first underplay them. Soak it in, don't act instinctively. Let it engulf you. You will see yourself handling it better."

It is very hard, he added. "I still am struggling to come to terms with slowing things down. Looking at a proposition from multiple angles becomes your Art of War. I might take a lifetime to find my Art of War or even put it to full use. But, I do know that failing to react instinctively to responsibilities often got me out of icky situations and enabled me to approach it better." Hopefully, it earned me some admiration, some respect, he drifted off...

"You never craved attention, anyway. So, I can understand this bubble you generate. It is like your stage. Your theater without any act." That is some analogy, he joked and gave her a hug. It was time...she would be leaving soon. Bouncing ideas off each other would rarefy. Space for intellectual thought will be shared with someone else. Hopefully, she will find time to get away from it all every now and then....

Marital Piss

There comes a stage in every male loser's life where he needs to start browsing through matrimonial websites for a potential bride since he did not have the balls to go out and score himself a chick. I am going through that process now. Hell, a little self-deprecation never really did hurt no one!

So, yeah, matrimonial websites. I think this is a place where the rudest people have an account. The website itself gives you cheesy tags like "Express Interest", "Dislike", "Dislike with message" and the like. Of course, I never really got to "Disliking" anyone since I have always been "Disliked" immediately after I "Liked" someone! Anyway, God has funny ways of humouring himself. Be that as it may, these girls and their parents think no end of themselves. When one sends in a "like" request, these buggers take five hundred days to respond with a "Sorry Sir, but I don't think the horoscopes match". What the fuck! It took you five hundred days to say that? And, are you living in 1856 to be matching horoscopes? When the celestial bodies say that the boy and girl are not suited for each other, you hang on to it as if it was a pearl of wisdom. But, if the same celestial body declares that from tomorrow you are going to suffer from diarrhea for the rest of your life, you say, "Oh, I don't believe in that crap". Bloody hypocrites.

The weirdest answer I got was that the "girl was not ready". FUCK! Why the fuck did you put up her profile on the website then? It's not like she was super hot or anything. Even for this, the attitude is too much, I reckon. Anyway, the description on the profile is even more annoying. Typically, every parent HAS to mention, "..we are looking for a boy who is cultured and has good values..". So what is the benchmark for that? I can proudly declare that I ate my chocolate bar with a knife and fork (just like our very lovable George Costanza). So, does that make me cultured? Or are you looking for someone who consumes cultured fat? What do you mean by good values? Does it entail putting salaam to uncles and aunties? Does it mean that I shut my trap when elders are talking (or bitching about someone)? If I were to do this, then you will label me as subservient. If I were to open my trap and disagree with their one track opinions, you will label me as pompous and arrogant. So where the fuck do I draw the line? More-so, who the fuck gave you the authority to judge me?

Secondly, every profile indicates that smoking and consuming alcohol is an absolute no-no! Why the kolaveri against this? I can see your daughter's profile photo right outside a pub. Did she go there to find out what soft drinks are being served? So, you think if I emit a couple of puffs and down a few cold ones, I am the baddest guy around? Or the most annoying? Even more than Shah Rukh Khan?? That is a personal insult!

Thirdly, if the girl says that she would like to get to know the guy, be an ideal partner to the guy, respect his family, give her space, take my space, how the fuck do you hope to achieve this if you do not respond to the guy's interest?? Just like your space, you think the guy is going to drop from space? And, even if you do land up talking to someone, you dismiss him after a couple of calls saying, "we are not a match for each other". So you expect me to be all chivalrous and accept that I have just been KLPD'd?? Well, screw you. I already had plans of rejecting you. You just made it easier for me! My male ego will only get more inflated and I ain't gonna mess with that shit.

So, in effect, whenever I see male animals trying to impress a female on National Geographic, I think of myself. Well, at least that bird-of-paradise got his female by showing off his colours. And I am sitting here writing this. Fuck, sixth sense FAIL!

PS: This is not a rant. I know I am awesome!