Life of Things

I have been reminiscing a bit over the past couple of days...and in the process came across an idea for this blog entry.

I let my mind trace back to my childhood to identify some material things that were best classified mundane, but surprisingly seem so vividly etched somewhere in the memory. So I present a few to you:

1) Calcium Sandoz tablets in dog-like can
2) Phantom cigarette-like candy sticks -my only tryst with the puff unfortunately :(
3) Luxor sketch pens and Camlin pencil with the pink flowers
4) Reynolds ball point pen
5) Camel Ink bottle and Hero pens with the gold cover
6) Cherry blossom white canvas shoe polish
7) School uniform -a white shirt/white pant/black belt and shoes..We should have been beaten to death for even wearing this!
8) Bold and the Beautiful and Baywatch..Thank God for Star Plus!
9) BSA Bicycle
10) Malgudi days/He-Man and the Masters of the Universe/Superhit Muquabala
11) Crown CRT TV with switches to change channels
12) Finger chips/fries with Maggie hot and sweet tomato sauce
13) Assembly before commencement of a school day
14) Kangaroo exam pad with the clip to hold the paper and wooden ruler used to demarcate the margin from the main page- Often this was the trusty ally of a teacher to do some knuckle crunching!
15) The first pair of Bata/Corona black shoes with laces -I know everyone used to wear that proudly with anything and everything and loved the noise it used to make while walking
16) Big Fun bubble gum with the cricket statistics/collectibles
17) Gold Spot -The Zing thing!
18) Cutting chai glass -The smallest thing with a "satisfaction guaranteed" tag
19) Godrej shaving bar+brush
20) Pan Pasand/Mangobite/Coffeebite/Cadburys Gems/Nutties
21) VIP Underwear
22) Amul butter
23) Doordarshan Spirit of Unity short programmes
24) Balcony/Dress Circle seating arrangements in movie theaters
25) The Times of India, India Today and Sportstar
26) Usha Sewing Machine
27) Crocin and Anacin tablets
28) Lakshmi bomb cracker -There never was a Diwali without it!
29) Indian Railways food -shitty but I absolutely adored it!
30) Eveready batteries

These were some of the items/commodities that popped up in my mind. I re-lived my entire life as I thought of these. All of you have, at some point been associated with one/many or all of these. I am also certain that readers will come up with much more.

As an aside, this article lays emphasis on the importance we give to material items. Ironic because we do not give spirituality it's due!

Wham...Bam....SLAM!

Allllright!!

This post will be a an act of sorts between 3 people. Jackass Judge, Pub(l)ic Prostitutor (Pube) and Duffer Defendant. A not so typical courtroom drama..

JJ: Order in the courtroom...ORDER in the courtroom...
PP: But Mi Lord...there is no one here but you, me and Duffer
JJ: I know Pube...I like to just bang this hammer thingy on the table.....

PP: Ahem..ahem....let's proceed on with the case then....Mishter Duffer Defendant, do you plead guilty to the charges?
DD: ?????
JJ: Oh for Satan's sake, let Duffer know what he is guilty of!
PP: Sorry Mi Lord...I have'nt been in the courtroom for a while...
DD (to himself): Looks like I can wriggle my balls out of this...whatever "this" might be!

PP: Alright Duffer, the charges against your name are being virgin, being single and a bad forgotten childhood....Babool..oh sorry Kubool hai???
DD: Mi Lord, Mr. Pube is trying to convict me of these false allegations.....I request a rematch...
JJ: OK...but Duffer, you must please keep in mind that this is not a game...It's your past life we're talking about...
DD: Screw that...I want a rematch...

PP: Duffer does not know what he's talking about...Mi Lord, I would like to present the Case for the Defence...
JJ: OK Pubes...Proceed before I need to take a leak again

PP (Clearing his throat): Duffer, I will be asking you a few questions based on which Mi Lord Jackass will decide for or against the charges on your name
DD: Mi Lord, I request the court to proceed...Do I get some time to practice?
JJ: DUFFER!! Please pay attention to the questions! Don't make me strike this hammer thingy

PP: Name?
DD: Defendant...Duffer Defendant

PP: Address?
DD: I'm normally in my own world..
PP: What the Fuck??? Mi Lord..permission to Object
JJ: Screw that...Overruled!
PP: Mi Lord Jackass, with all due respect..what the fuck was that???
JJ: I always wanted to say...OVERRULED! Proceed...but I'll interrupt you from time to time..

PP: Phone Number?
DD: 1&2..But only Nature is allowed to contact at it
PP: You're being smart eh?? Wait for the next few...I'm going to rip you apart..

PP: Date of Birth?
DD: Two hundered and Eighty Eight hours before yours
PP: How do you know that? You do not even know my Birthday...
DD: I did that to confuse the Prostitutor...
PP: Point Taken...The Prostitutor is confused....moving on..

PP: Sunsign?
DD: April fools day....
JJ: Could have been called Duffer's Day..
DD: Thank you Mi Lord...
PP: That was a sarcastic remark....You Duffer!

PP: Your Biggest Assets?
DD: Yet to come
PP: What the fuck?????
JJ: Order....ORDER....Never mind...I did that just for kicks

PP (to himself: I'm stuck like a whore between Jackass and Duffer): You're Sad About?
DD: I will miss you all
PP: You mean...when you will miss all your friends?
DD: ahaan
PP: FUCK!!

PP: Your Most Memorable Moment:
DD: When I came out in this world, the Doctor was so happy!
PP: Looks like the Doctor was a peadophile...Was it someone called Mike???

PP: Your Biggest Strength?
DD: Below the belt and in the mouth
PP: Let's see...that's below the belt.....and..
JJ: Me want to see...me want to see...
PP: Mi Lord...please control yourself....All in good time...
JJ: Order in the courtroom!!

PP: Your Hobbies?
DD: Walking around hills and Reading
PP: Walking around hills????????
JJ: Reading is not actually a hobby...It's more of a knowledge thing....Free thought of the day..

PP: Your Favourite Singer?
DD: Myself..
PP: Oh really??? Are you being funny???? How can you rate yourself as a favourite...That's so full of vain

PP: A girl/boy you like the most and why?
DD: Myself because I am just outstanding and cool
PP: Hmm....Self righteous bastard. Mi Lord please note this point
JJ: Can I borrow your pen?

PP: Ok never mind...You love wearing?
DD: Clothes, Rings and a Girl on my arm...
JJ: What are the rates and the cost involved?
PP: Mi LORD!!!!!!

PP: Your Best Male Teacher?
DD: Please GROW UP and get out of school...
PP: Point taken...Mi Lord.please note this.....Oh never mind..

PP: Your Favourite Movie?
DD: M, HSSH, KKHH, HAHK, ID4...
JJ: Can we have a Morse Code expert here? Looks like Duffer is trying to say something..
PP: No Mi Lord, they used to be popular acronyms for movies...
JJ: Fuck Me!! You have to be kidding

PP: Your Favourite Serial?
DD: Kellogg's Choco...
PP: NO! Not Cereal...Oh never mind!

PP: The Novel You Love?
DD: Jeffery Archer....
PP: Now you have proved that you are retarded....

PP: Your Favourite Animal?
DD: Cat because I resemble it...
JJ: Oh Goody!! Duffer is a Manimal...Quick!! Turn into a frog
PP: Mi Lord, we do not have a princess to bring him back...

PP: Your nickname?
DD: The Excellence of Execution!!
PP: Oh fuck! (To himself:This self gloating bitch is killing me)

PP: Your Ambition?
DD: Getting lots of 3M
JJ: Where are them code breakers?????

PP: Your Dearest Pal?
DD: Yeah Right!! The one and only Pamela Anderson Lee..
JJ/PP: Oh really?? Ours too!

PP: Your Favourite Actress?
DD: All those who do less of acting and more of showing
JJ: We have reached new levels of bonding now....Order in the courtroom!! ORDER in the courtroom

PP: Your Best Female Teacher?
DD: Boooooooze
PP: Very Nice! I have noted that point!

PP: Your Dream Lover?
DD: How do I know who loves my dream?
JJ: By Jove! That was rhetoric. Order ORDER!

PP: Your Favourite Comic?
DD: Playboy/Debonair..well that's comic for me..
JJ: How dare you toy with the emotions of this court???? Objection OVERRULED!!!!
PP: But Mi Lord, I did not object...And it should have been SUSTAINED and not OVERRULED!
JJ: Screw you!! Next question....

PP: Your Favourite Actor?
DD: Sorry! I don't swing that way. I'm strictly HETERO
PP: Fair enough. I'm not so I'll move on...

PP: Love to You Is?
DD: Physical Attraction, Chemical Reaction and Biological Reproduction
PP: WOW! Will you marry me???

PP: The Teacher You Hate Most?
DD: Grow Up!
PP: Ok

PP: Your Most Embarassing Moment?
DD: In school, I'd left my fly open
PP: Very nice...I hope you were covered....
JJ: Were you..were you..were you???
DD: Yes Mi Lord. Please cover yours..

PP: The Person You Hate the Most?
DD: I don't hate..I love everyone...
PP: My my! (To himself: Kill me...kill me NOW!)

PP: Your Latest Crush?
DD: Last night I crushed a bottle of mineral water...
JJ: Oh you did..did you?? I crushed one today

PP: Your Favourite Pastime?
DD: Roaming around and travelling
PP: Now wait a minute....Got you there! Roaming around and travelling are two contradictory things...One is planned, the other is not!! I say, Mi Lord...Objection
JJ: We will now take a short recess
PP/DD: You can't take a recess now!!!!!
JJ: Ok then..I'll dig my nose instead....

PP: What You Feel For Me?
JJ: Pube!!! Don't!!
DD: It's ok...I would like to answer that....You're not as dumb as you look..So start looking smarter!!

PP: I am through with my cross examination, Mi Lord....Please deliver your verdict to the court if Duffer is a Loser
JJ: Has the Jury reached it's verdict???
PP (sighs): Mi Lord Jackass, there is no Jury remember?
JJ: In that case, we will take a recess here.....


So that was it! In case you did not get what the hell I've been talking about, this extract was based on a collection of nonsense written in my SLAM Book. So I hope I have wasted your time. Inconvenience is not regretted.

Claimer: All the content here is reproduced in it's exact form. So go screw yourselves!!

Medley Of An Amalgamation

Well back after a pretty long time. I'm personally very fond of this entry since I cooked this up extempore. Well, most of the ideas were shaping up for a bit but I needed a nice catalyst to eventually put this down. Enter Cafe Myriade in Montreal, Canada. Fantastic place, great ambiance and superb service.

This entry will essentially be a myriad of emotions. Introspection, disgust, satire anger, joy, discovery and the lot. Well, here goes:

1) I have learnt so much from someone who has never taught me anything
2) The most endearing thing ever said to me was not a compliment
3) The only way you can try to concentrate is by looking up at a clear starlight sky
4) I have connected with someone without exchanging a single word
5) Friends are relative to time, location and company
6) The next guy is as perverted as you. You just choose to express yourself!
7) I have observed that each person in a crowd is different in appearance but so similar in behaviour
8) The only thing common in men/women/girls and boys these days is an ipod
9) Lust is always in a woman's asset. Not in hair dyes, shitty alterations and gothic stuff
10) I cannot own the car I love the most. It is not my type
11) Noise can be found in silence and vice versa
12) The most difficult thing is to simply close your eyes and think of NOTHING. You will amazed at how chaotic the mind is
13) I can't recall the name of the restaurant where I have had the best food in years
14) I am so fond of loneliness that I think I'll marry it
15) I find shopping for music is actually relaxing. ONLY music
16) Technology is actually a bad thing. Things worked just as efficient when it was not around
17) The only thing for which I use the pen these days is to sign receipts
18) Buying the correct gift for friends is a painful task
19) Right handed guitarists look much more cooler than left handed ones. Being common has it's own charm!
20) Confidence and skill are instantaneous qualities. The challenge is to repeat the crests cose to each other
21) The closest companions I have are my ipod and my music
22) I actually make a living finding faults in someone else's work
23) I have been afraid my whole life. I'm afraid to change that!
24) EVERYONE is insecure. They show it in different ways. But they definitely are
25) There is always one song I listen to when I'm feeling blue. It is not my favourite
26) I have realized that losing weight is more in the mind than actual physical exercise
27) The greatest pleasure is to take a leak/dump after holding on for long. Sex is not even a close second!
28) No matter how hard you try, there will always be someone who does it better
29) You can actually judge a person by the type of music he/she listens to
30) My greatest regret is not learning to play guitar
31) Sex is hard work. I wonder if a lazy bum will be good in bed
32) I am amazed at the reverence I get when they realize I am Indian. Pity we do not see it among ourselves

Well, that's the long and short of it. It's pretty amazing what a Cafe Mocha and Polish donuts can do!

PS: The most weird thing happened to me today. As I was reading the National Geographic magazine, the phrase I was reading exactly matched the ones on a song. Now, how often does that happen to you?

Just so I don't forget:
Song: I Dug Up A Diamond -Mark Knopfler/Emmylou Harris
Phrase: "Once in a lifetime"

Guess it really is!

The Journey Inwards...

A trip homeward bound is a mixed bag of emotions. Stuff like meeting up family and friends is good. Not knowing what to expect from them is bad.

I was placed in the mixed bag this time. Cynicism is still very much a part of life in India. It's annoying really and more so if some of it came from close friends. Everyone has a right to opinionate but there should be mutual camaraderie. I tried to be an observer to most issues I went through but am not sure if I managed stuff alright.

My qualities, thoughts and beliefs have not changed after leaving India but somehow got the feeling a few back home believed they have. It was painful to see folks you know think you're as stupid as a blonde bimbette.

Anyway, here's a list of things that saw a high:

1) Rode a bike and was glad to know I can still ride one!

2) Travelled in an Ambassador. Fuck Bentley Flying Spur, the Amby still rocks!

3) Ate bhel puri and wada pav at places I never knew existed

4) Spent time with some folks that I never thought would

5) Met a lot of people and travelled quite extensively

6) Travelled by second class in a train. Man, that's a great nostalgic feeling

7) Got around 10G of carnatic music and will probably take a year to listen to all of them

8) Visited my Alma Mater and spent a wonderful and memorable time there

Here's stuff that I did not get to do but had planned on:

1) Drive the car

2) Sit at the rocks on the beach looking at the waves lashing at them

3) Walk along Marine Drive

4) Visit Bade Miya to eat Kababs

5) Go to Shivaji Park

6) Eat Chinese Bhel

I might have missed a few too but that's the gist of things. I wanted to journey spiritually this time and Auroville definitely did not disappoint. I know shit about spirituality but certainly want to get more involved. I bought a lot of books on this and have gone through two of them. I still am far from what they preach but let's hope I try spinning the wheel soon.

I observed that people often mistake that your aims/aspirations change when you leave your home country. A few people openly told me and some indicated it by actions. I keep coming back to this even if I do not want to because that's what is spinning in my head now and the fingers are just typing what the mind is ordering...People don't seem to understand that I have some beliefs and thoughts of my own and instead ridiculed me on quite a few counts. It hurt when someone you've known for a better part of your life ridicules or opinionates on each and every action you have. Am I to move on thinking that I need not be affected by it or sit up to note if I am being blinded by my ego? Am I actually being respected by my friends or do they just think I'm a joker trying to bring a smile to people's faces?

Home is a vague entity to me now. Is it the place that gets me my bread and butter or is it the place my heart wants to be? And even if I listen to my heart, will practicality take over? I am actually scared that I would contradict my own belief system.

Responsibilities also increased. Do I fulfill them on my own? Should I bother my folks with it? Should I respect the independence given to me and make my own actions? Is this the right time? I have a lot of unanswered questions and the scary part is I do not know how to find the solution. I saw a friend, who is usually very composed, groping in the dark with new found responsibility. I am not sure if I am prepared for such a situation...No. I know I'm not.

Not wanting to sound sceptical but cannot avoid it. Why am I so scared? This entire trip might have been a lot of fun but it has raised a lot of questions about the spirituality of who I am, what I want to be, what my motivation is and where my destiny lies. Am I being respected for who I am or for what I do?

The Pleasure Is All Mine

Everyone likes to be part of a revolution, a change that sweeps across the masses. Our grandparents would have been overjoyed to have been living during the time of India's independence. Our parents lived through India's inclination stint towards glory, the Beatles and Hare Krishna movements.

Most of the present generation, I am sure would consider it a priviledge watching India's cricketing giants play as they grew up. Anil Kumble, Sachin Tendulkar, Rahul Dravid, Saurav Ganguly and VVS Laxman have been motivational figures in different aspects. Ah! To watch their struggles and comebacks makes you want to apply it to your daily life. I belong to the present generation and have been inspired by each one of them.

Anil Kumble: Determination; Sachin Tendulkar: Humility; Rahul Dravid: Hardwork; Saurav Ganguly: Attitude; VVS Laxman: Perseverence. Qualities that would sum up these greats.

Today we are at a threshold where it is time to bid adieu. Two of the five have already hung up their boots. The services performed by these players cannot be described in words. Their commitment to the country cannot be doubted. Their influence on a nation cannot be questioned.

As we stand on the brink of seeing these warriors ride proudly into the horizon, all we can do is stand up and applaud. Sometimes there is so much one wants to say or write but a gesture is just sufficient.

In this entry, I recollect some of the moments (not in order of importance) that gave me hope that when all seems lost, perseverence is the only attitude that matters....

1) Sachin Tendulkar's twin centuries against Australia at Sharjah that enabled India to come from nowhere to lift the Coca Cola cup.

2) Rahul Dravid's kiss of the India cap he scored the winning runs were scored at the Adelaide Test.

3) Sachin Tendulkar's six of Shoaib Akhtar during the 2003 World Cup in South Africa.

4) Natwest Series Triumph in England where two young guns carried the flame of hope to victory.

5) Saurav Ganguly and Rahul Dravid's partnership at Taunton in the 1999 World Cup against Sri Lanka.

6) VVS Laxman and Rahul Dravid's partnership at Eden Gardens against Australia that brought India from no man's land back into the limelight.

7) Anil Kumble bowling 14 overs with a bandage in West Indies and claiming the prize wicket of Brian Lara.

8) Rahul Dravid's first century at the Wanderers in South Africa.

9) Anil Kumble's 10 wicket haul at the Feroze Shah Kotla against Pakistan.

10) Anil Kumble's leadership during the 2008 India/Australia test series.

Now as the mantle seems to be passing on (if there is anyone who is willing to take it), I am sure no one will be able to replace the Fab Five. At this juncture all I want to do is thank them for impacting my life and always wearing their hearts on their sleeves.

Here's wishing you the best in the future.

Sin For A Win

Oh Father forgive me, for I have sinned!

Las Vegas, the Sin City beckoned. Three hungry wolves along with a civilized couple made the 5 hour journey burning gas and clocking miles into the desert. The heat was not to last for long, the oasis appeared, cool shade and water for the hungry hearts.

It appeared as if all the drunk Greek goddesses descended upon this city like a bee to a honey suckle musk. Mini-skirts, cleavage, blondes, brunettes and booze. Bliss for the sore eyes!! To add to it, there were the casinos where money flowed in but never out.

The night follows the day and the creatures come to feast during the night time. Never had a street seen so many chicks fluttering about. Never was there so much "food" for the wolves. Never was a ride to a club so anticipated. Never was a scent of a woman so sweet and a touch so unforgettable! Never......

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. What happened to the wolves stays with the wolves. What happened to the civilized couple..well that's for everyone to know!

Oh Father forgive me, for I have sinned!

Long WeAkend blues

Well well, I'm back after a self-issued sabbatical. This blog will be a plethora of some stuff I've been meaning to write for a while. So sit back and enjoy...

To start with, I was lucky to see Mark Knopfler in concert at the beautiful Greek Theater in LA. I have practically grown up listening to Dire Straits and Mark Knopfler. Of course, this was at a time when people my age were gripped by the likes of Boyzone and Ricky Martin. So, I would consider myself to be pretty impressive listening to rock as compared to wannabes! The fascination and respect for Mark Knopfler grew and so did my CD collection. I can now safely say that I have his complete work. Now, ten years hence, as I find fascination with other eighties legends, Dire Straits/Mark Knopfler are still on the most-listened list. There was a time for close to a year, where I'd listen to Sultans Of Swing every single day! What's more admirable is that the humility of the man has grown as his fame and fortune increased. No airs about him (very unlike an immensly talented rockstar), he is aptly called "Silent man of rock and roll".

Anyway, coming back to the concert, I witnessed magic being created and played with. Every magician has his wand, Mark has his array of guitars. Accompanied by friends, I enjoyed every second of the concert screaming and singing the songs along with him. This was to a point when the infection rubbed on to my friends as well. All in all, a wonderful wonderful evening. Ah, I wish I'd see him again soon!

Moving on, I really fail to comprehend the long weekend syndrome. In case you are not with me, Long weekend syndrome is a disease whose symptoms are necessary and compulsive travel during the long weekend. If the long weekend begins on a Friday, families are packing their bags hastily so that they do not even waste four and a half minutes on the actual day! Oh that would be torture. At a time when we are still burning on our asses with the increase in fuel prices, I fail to understand the travel! I would rather lie in bed doing nothing all day! Of course, it would be nice to have a hot chick lying beside me, but then I'd be doing something! But let's not tread that path for now...

A couple of days before the long weekend, all people are asking and talking about is where the other person is heading to. This happens at work, phone conversations and even at gas stations! Of course not to mention, the tourist spots making all the cash at our expense. All the airfares have increased too. They'd be looking at every traveller on the long weekend and thinking, "Ah! Gotcha fuckers!" Anyway, it's not my place to judge who should do what (I think I've judged already) but it's definitely my space to write about it. Oh by the way, you can judge me all you want! In the words of Eric Cartman, "Screw you guys. I'm goin' home".

I've also been getting extremely pissed off at all the girls increasing their privacy settings on Orkut. This prevents us from looking at their albums! Why the fuck did Orkut introduce this feature?? If my understanding is correct, a website's popularity is judged by the number of hits. After this feature, guys like us are the ones taking the hits and not the website! I'm speaking for all the single men...no all men, who would very willingly agree with me! What's even more annoying is that even some "guys" have locked their albums. Talk about insecurity!! To be honest, it's so irritating to look at a "prospective" headshot in the profile picture only to find the album locked! This is like foreplay failure...so even talk about sex can safely be dismissed. Girls, please, let us judge your appearance by inviting us to your albums! Don't torture us by locking them. You are depriving us of our favourite pastime even more than lazing around with a chilled beer! Why put all the photos in the first place when you're feeling so insecure about it?? Think about it, what makes you think that someone in your "friend's list" isn't lusting after you?? Atleast, this way you're doing some social service and that ain't a bad thing after all.

And lastly, it's fucking annoying to see girls and "non-girls" use words like "Ma photos/Mah car". How hard is it to say "My photos/My car??" Also, as compared to Mah, it's still one letter short! Another popular word that pissed me off was "fren/frenz". For the ignorant folks, this stands for Friend. Kill me man...kill me now!

Also, for all the guys who write, "I'm simply gazzing through your profile", "Can I make frandships with you?", "Can I wanna be frands?", please continue the torturous Englees. Thank you for an honest attempt to make the reader laugh his ass off! Life will not be the same without you!